The Three Stooges: Back In Training
by MASC
Summary: The so called drama of high school life gets a pie in the face when teenagers Moe, Larry and Curly are given a 21st century makeover. Recruited by a secret organization to stop a madman, the boys discover love, danger and a new way to use a meat grinder.
1. Three Young Men

_**AN: It's been a while since I made a 3 Stooges fic, so I'm going to apologize in advance in case it turns out to be a disaster. I'm only introducing our heroes in the first chapter. The villain/situation won't be revealed until the next. Okay, now... deep breaths now... and here we go...**_

_**DISCLAIMER: Who the hell owns a Stooge, let alone 3? Huh? Tell me! Cuz I don't! **_

_**PROLOGUE: **_

Del Lord High School. A place where the youth of today train to become the best and brightest hope for tomorrow. You've got the jocks, who will no doubt grace the fields of whatever sport their hearts desire the most and the preppy cheerleaders who go with them are sure to follow. The aspiring musicians and actors of the band and drama club, who will bring a melodious harmony into the souls of others as well as themselves. They've got the honor students with the greatest minds waiting to be found, the ROTC will surely serve its country well and the so-called outcasts draped in black and seriously misunderstood will one day find their purpose.

And then there's these three young men I know. Moses Howard, known by many as "Moe". Louis Fine, usually called "Larry". And Moe's younger brother Jerry. Strangely nicknamed "Curly". In their younger days, they looked a lot different than how I remember them now. Young Moe, before eventually growing his famous bowl haircut, displayed a regular combed back mane of jet black hair while Larry simply had a head of short orangey brown curls, which would eventually mature into the puffy Jewfro we've all come to adore. For young Jerry Howard, he was lucky to have a full head of smooth black hair like his brother before eventually shaving it off in the future. No matter the look, however, these three can master the art of disguise and save the day with nothing but their foolish bickering to bail them out.

My name is Ted Healy. With the wealth that was inherited to me, I use it to save the world on a daily basis by sending a team of well-trained individuals to take on global threats before they escalate. And these three young men were the ones I chose to do such a job. In retrospect, however, I can only think of one thing… what the hell was I thinking?

**THE 3 STOOGES: BACK IN TRAINING**

Los Angeles, California. Present Day.

Outside Del Lord High School, a group of young men surrounded a flagpole and hoisted their flag to the very top while giggling like the mischievous troublemakers they were. One of the boys, a blonde with a very shady appearance, looked up and saluted at his creation.

"See you boys later!" He chuckled.

Everyone in the group took turns teasing and eventually left for the building as the bell rang for class. At the top of the flagpole, teenagers Moe, Larry and Curly hung from their underpants and writhed in pain.

"Hey! Get us off from here!" Curly whined. "Moe, do something!"

"Do I look like I'm in a position to do something!?" Moe shot back. "Except maybe _this_, of course!" He then head-butt Curly to the side.

"Ow!"

"You guys, stop squirming!" Larry complained. "You're only making things worse!"

"You've got a better idea to get us down from here!?" Moe elbowed his companion in the ribs.

"No…" Larry grunted.

Suddenly, Principal Jules White stepped out of the building and slowly approached the flagpole with a disappointed look on his face.

"Hey, look!" Curly pointed. "It's Principal White!"

"Howard! Fine! Howard!" White scolded as he lowered the three down. "What the hell are you doing hanging from there!? All this playing around has made you late for class! _Again_!"

"It's not our fault!" Larry said as he tucked his underpants back in. "It's that no-good punk Ricky!"

"I don't care! You three report to my office right now! I've had it up to here with your shenanigans!" He then grabbed Larry and Curly by the hair with one hand and Moe by the ear with another then led them into the building.

"I'm a victim of circumstance!" Curly pleaded as he was dragged away.

* * *

"You three have been a constant thorn in my side since your freshman year!" White scolded as the three young men sat across from his desk, their heads bowed in shame. "You're always disrupting class, showing up late to school and destroying school property!" 

"Huh?" Curly scratched his head.

"Watch!" White reached into his desk and took out a lead pipe. He then leaned over to Curly and banged him on the head with the metal object.

"Ohhh!!!" Curly yelped as he rubbed his head.

"Look!" The principal displayed the enormous bend in the pipe. "What is that!? Huh!? What is that!? Can you explain this to me!? Can you!? That's not even humanly possible!"

"What are you doing with a pipe in your desk?" Larry asked.

"Quiet, Fine!"

"Yes, sir!"

"Whoa, I guess I don't know my own strength! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk." Curly giggled.

"Shut up!" Moe smacked his brother in the back of the head. "We don't want to get in even more trouble with White than we already have!"

"And believe me, boys!" White grabbed the three by their shirts. "…You really _don't_!"

"Y-yes, M-Mr. White!" The three stuttered nervously.

"Now get to class!"

As the door slammed behind them, Moe, Larry and Curly found themselves slumping through the halls and over to their first period class. Once inside the classroom, they each handed their teacher a tardy slip as they took their seats one by one.

"Again?" Their teacher disappointingly shook her head as the rest of the class giggled.

"Yes." The 3 answered slowly. "Sorry, Ms. Shriver."

As their teacher went on, Larry settled into his desk and slowly turned his gaze to the corner of the room, where an attractive young woman took down her notes. Her smooth and shiny blonde hair, emerald green eyes and presence alone made the boy weak as he lost focus and slipped his elbow from the desk, causing his chin to break from his palm and slam into the hard surface.

"Larry?" Ms. Shriver directed everyone's attention to the embarrassed teen. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah…" Larry fiddled with his jaw. "I'm fine! Go ahead, keep going! I'm listening! Napoleon, yeah!"

"I was talking about prom."

"…Oh."

The class laughed at Larry as he buried is head in his arms when the blonde girl looked over to him empathetically.

"Anyways…" Ms. Shriver continued. "Be sure to cast in your votes for this year's king and queen. And don't do anything you'll soon regret, if you know what I mean. Prom is supposed to be safe, fun and above all, a night to remember. Now with all of that said and done, _now_ we can go on about Napoleon. I know Larry is fidgeting with anticipation."

More classroom laughter aimed towards young Larry as Curly let off a high pitched giggle much to Moe's annoyance. A slap across the face and it was all over for him.

"Sorry, Moe! I couldn't help it!" The chubby one cowered. "Peer pressure! _Ruff_!"

"Down, Fido!" Moe slammed his fist on his brother's head.

* * *

Inside Principal White's office, Assistant Principal Vernon Dent walked in with two gentlemen behind him. 

"Mr. White?" Dent started. "Mr. Ted Healy and Emil Sitka to see you, sir."

"Who?" White eyeballed the men.

"We haven't met formally, I'm afraid." A tall, 30 year old with smooth black hair said as he hung up his coat on the rack and shook the principal's hand. "My name is Ted Healy. This is my assistant, Emil Sitka."

"How do you do, sir?" An older man in his mid 40s with a silvery blonde mane shook the man's hand.

"Uhh…" Principal White glanced over to his assistant principal, who was just as confused as he was. "…What can I… do for you gentlemen?"

"I'll cut right to the chase, Mr. White." Healy said as he took a seat. "I run a special organization that trains young men into becoming special service agents in the fields of espionage, counterterrorism and law enforcement."

"What, kind of like a boot camp?"

"Yeah. Kind of like that." Healy grinned mischievously. "What we're looking for is a handful of some of your best, brightest and most athletic students in the school. We'd like to recruit some new men for the organization."

"What organization? I've never even heard of you people."

"Looks like we're doing a good job then, huh?" Emil winked at Healy.

"Listen, Mr. White, we all know these students need some kind of future if they're ever to succeed in life." Ted continued. "Our organization not only trains these young individuals to help better this world but will provide them with limitless opportunities to seize the life they choose, should they ever decide to quit the service."

"What sort of opportunities?" Dent asked.

"A fully paid college tuition upon their graduation from the training program."

"Access to any college or university they might want to attend." Emil added. "And not to mention a job saving the world on a daily basis and--"

"That's enough, Emil!" Ted stomped his foot on the man's shoe.

"Yes, sir!" He groaned.

"So?"

"How do we know you're telling the truth?" White cracked his knuckles.

"You don't."

"And I suppose I have to take your word for it and assume that any college your men go to will have easy access just because they're in _your _program?"

"Judging by the generous checks I send them every year, I'd say so."

"…Right."

"Well then? Do I have your trust?"

"Uhh… I don't know. If I can just speak with Mr. Dent for a moment?" White got up from his seat and pulled Dent aside.

"What is it?" Vernon asked. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. There's something screwy about all this."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's not everyday some guy in a suit walks in and says, 'Hi! I teach people how to shoot guns and save the world! Can I borrow some of your students? I'll give them college money and lots of candy!' I've never even heard of any of these guys before!"

"They seem pretty legit to _me_, Jules."

"If you don't mind, Mr. White." Healy interrupted. "I have other schools to visit."

"Uh-huh." The principal nodded. "And all this secrecy stuff? How do you know I'll keep quiet about it?"

"Because, Mr. White. I'm willing to give a generous donation to this school in exchange for your secrecy as well as the secrecy of your students. They are never to mention any of their assignments, where they're going and how they spend their time. World security is all about keeping secrets. I'm sure you can understand all that."

"Okay, let's just say I went ahead with all this. What about the parents of the students? They have the final say in whether or not their underage child can apply for this sort of thing."

"I agree. Which is why Emil and I will personally visit each family upon their registration. Do we have a deal?"

"I don't know…" White shook his head slowly.

"I'll tell you what. I'll give you a day to think about it. Emil and I will return tomorrow for your answer. Sound good to you?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Think about it. But don't take too long. Time is a luxury I don't have. Let's go Emil."

And with that, the two men said their goodbyes and walked out of the room. Principal White sat back down at his desk and leaned back in his chair while Dent watched the two men drive away.

"I don't know, Dent." Jules grumbled. "As the school's principal, I'm obliged to look out for the well-being of my students. I can't risk having some crackpot billionaire hire a handful of my brightest students to save the world."

"You're absolutely right, sir." Dent nodded. "Maybe it isn't worth sending in the school's best."

An idea suddenly struck Principal White. A wide grin spread across his thin face as he turned to the file cabinet and took out a few files from the mid section. Flipping through the pages of the documents, his grin grew even wider.

"White, you're a genius!" He said to himself.

"Sir?"

"If I'm right, this Ted Healy guy is desperate for new blood! I'm gonna give him the pick of the litter!"

"But what about--"

"Don't worry, Dent! I'll let them know tomorrow! First, we have to get our star students!"

As the two men left the room, three overfilled documents laid spread out across the desk. On the severely tagged manila folders were the names:

**FINE, LOUIS**

**HOWARD, JEROME**

**HOWARD, MOSES**

* * *

After the bell rang, the students hurdled out of their classes like cattle and headed for their next destination. Curly and Moe took to their lockers as Larry dreamily watched the girl of his dreams stop to chat with her girlfriends. 

As Moe opened his locker door, a notebook fell out which prompted him to bend over and pick it up. After acquiring the textbooks he needed, Curly immediately slammed his locker shut and hit Moe across the face by accident.

"Hey!" Moe growled as he got up on his feet. "Watch what you're doing!"

"Oh, I'm sorry Moe!" Curly panicked. "I can't help it if my locker's right under yours!"

"It's all right, kid. Don't worry about it."

"Thanks, Moe."

Then Moe executed a double locker slam on his brother by banging him in the stomach with Curly's, then a head shot by using his own.

Curly then wailed out in pain. "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh… _look_!"

He pointed out the damage inflicted upon Moe's locker door. Moe eyeballed the huge dent and attempted to tighten the loose screws but to no avail.

"Look what you did now!" Moe bonked his brother on the head. "Leave it to _you_ to mess things up as always!"

"Yeah." A very surprised Curly nodded.

"We _really_ gotta get that thing looked at."

"What, the locker or me?"

"Both." Moe then noticed Larry leaning against his locker as his mystery girl remained in place. "Oh, for the love of…"

"Ow!" Larry suddenly felt Moe yank him by the hair. "What did you do that for!?"

"You're doing it again!"

"Doing what?"

"You're daydreaming about Kari Lyza!"

"I can't help it, Moe! I'm in love!"

"No, you're in _trouble_! We're already in hot water with White and the last thing we need is a girl like that to distract you from your studies!"

"What studies?"

"You see what I mean!? She's plagued you!"

"Yeah!" Curly chuckled. "She's got him in--"

Just then, a slim brunette girl with sapphire cat-like eyes pushed Curly out of the way and playfully wrapped her arms around Moe's neck.

"Hey, baby!" She kissed him on the cheek.

"Hee hee…" Moe let out a childish titter. "Hi, Amanda."

"I'm sorry I didn't call you last night, babe. I was just really tired from cheerleading practice. You can understand, right?"

"Oh, sure…" Moe coyly held her hand. "It's no problem."

"I can make it up for you at prom! That is… if you still wanna go with me, of course." She flirtingly blinked.

"No problem, angel!" Moe pecked the girl on the lips as Larry looked shyly backed away.

"I'll see you later, 'kay?" She then grabbed Larry by the chin playfully. "Bye-bye, Larry!"

"Uhh, bye…" He gave her a confused look.

Moe watched his girl walk off in practically the same daze as Larry but immediately snapped out of it to slap his friend across the face.

"Hey!" Larry rubbed his cheek.

"That's for making a move on my girl!" Moe scolded.

"I don't see why I can't get with Kari when you're always hanging around with Amanda!"

"That's because Amanda doesn't distract me!"

Curly then butt in. "Yeah and--"

"You shut up!" He knocked his brother away. "And second, you don't have a chance with a girl like Kari Lyza!"

"I could get her if I wanted!" Larry stood up for himself.

"Oh yeah? Turn around."

"Huh?" Larry almost had a heart attack as he saw Kari approaching him, flipping her blonde mane to the back.

"Hi, Larry." Kari smiled at the boy.

"Aah!" He backed into the lockers. "I mean… hello!"

"Listen, I was wondering if you could help me after school today during orchestra practice."

"Uhh…" Larry was now breathing heavily. "M-me? Well, I d-don't… k-know…"

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry to bother you like this. It's just that you're really good with the violin and everything and I just thought you could give me a few pointers. But if you don't want to, I totally understand."

"No!"

"What?"

"I mean… no, I don't mind." He started to collect his cool. "Sure. Yeah, I'll help you out."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Cool! Thanks, Lar! I'll see you after school!" She smiled as she flung her purse, accidentally knocking Curly into the wall head first.

As Kari left, Larry waved goodbye. "I'll see you after school, too!"

Moe then smacked him in the back of the head for that idiot response. "Yeah, that's the plan! Make her think you're a moron! Oh, wait! You _are_!"

"Hey, back off! You see that? She was checking me out! She even called me 'Lar'! I tell ya, Moe! She's the one for me!"

"Oh, get over it!"

"I'm serious! Our names even rhyme! Larry and Kari! It's like we were… _destined_ to be together!"

"You keep this up and you'll be destined to meet the back of my hand!"

As the two bickered their way to their next class, Curly remained with his head buried deep within the wall of the building. He flailed his arms about trying to break free but was only wasting his time.

"Hey Moe! Hey Larry!" His muffled voice cried from within the cement wall. "Anybody!?… Ooh… I wonder where this leads to… oh, hi girls! One of you wanna give me a hand? No… no… no, wait! You don't understand! I'm stuck! I can't get out! Ow! No, please! Wait! Ow! Moe! Larry! Help me!"

_**A/N: Okay, it's not very Stooge-like just yet. After all, it's only the introduction. But I promise things will get better in the next few chapters. **_


	2. Reconsideration

**Chapter Two**

As classes continued throughout the day, Principals White and Dent spent the majority of their time trying to track down their top 3 candidates for Ted Healy's program.

"Wouldn't it be easier if we just paged them?" A worn out Dent asked.

"No, we need them to believe our sincerity. Otherwise, they'd think we're just picking on them." White responded as he stuck his face against one of the door windows.

"Isn't that what we're doing?"

"No, of course not!" He lied through his teeth. "We just want to give them the best chance for a future! That's all!"

"You want them killed in the line of duty, don't you?"

"With a passion."

* * *

During calculus, Larry scribbled his and Kari's name on his notebook like so many love-struck teenagers do in clichéd high school dramas. As he did this, Moe couldn't help but notice his friend's sappy expression and chuckled to himself.

"That idiot." Moe shook his head as he ironically scribbled down his and Amanda's names together.

Just then, Principal White spotted Moe and Larry from outside the room and quickly rushed in with Assistant Principal Dent right behind him.

"Principal White." The teacher began. "What can I do for you?"

"Those two…" The man pointed out Larry and Moe as he caught his breath. "…I need to speak with them… _now_…"

"Yes, of course. Boys?"

"Oh, what now!?" Larry almost sobbed.

As they headed out of the room, White noticed Curly's absence. "Hey, wait a minute. Where's Jerry?"

Moe realized his brother was missing and grabbed Larry by the hair. "All right, where is he?"

"Where's who!?" Larry painfully asked.

"You know who!" Moe then slapped his friend. "Curly! What'd you do with him!?"

"Hey, I'm not responsible for him! He's _your_ brother!"

"You lost your brother?" Dent scratched his head. "What is this, kindergarten?"

"Kindergarten?" A light bulb flashed in Moe's head. "Hey, that's it! Why don't we search the kindergarten building? Larry, you check classrooms 132 to 150 and I'll check 151 to 180!"

"Right, Moe!" Larry started to dash off but was immediately halted by the principal.

"Hold it right there, you idiots!" He held the boys in place. "You're in high school, remember!? There _is _no kindergarten building!"

"Oh yeah." Moe and Larry nodded in agreement then chuckled.

"Shut up! Vernon, go look for Jerry and meet us outside my office."

"All right." Dent walked off.

For the next thirty minutes, White escorted the boys along the halls of the school and explained Ted Healy's offer to them. While they found the thought of weapons training, espionage and law enforcement intriguing, the idea of the possibility of death drew them away.

"No, thanks." Moe shook his head.

"Yeah, you can count us out of it." Larry agreed.

"But boys!" White attempted to regain their trust. "We're talking about big money here! A fully paid ticket to the college of your choice! And if you don't like it, you can choose another one!"

"Thanks but we've already got our future planned out." Moe explained. "Once we graduate, we're gonna open up a big restaurant and sell the most exotic and most delicious varieties of sausage!"

"Sausage?" White gave him a dead stare. "That's it, you're gonna… sell sausage?"

"Link sausage!" Larry exclaimed.

"Mink sausage!" Moe added.

"Pink sausage!" Curly said as Dent brought him in.

"What happened to you?" Moe asked as he noticed Curly's face covered with bandages.

"Oh, I got 'holed-up'!" Curly joked. "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!"

A bonk on the head from Moe shut him up. "Be quiet! How many times do I have to tell you not to get lost!?"

"About 30,000. After that I can't hold no more mileage."

White intervened before Moe could strike his brother again. "Boys, please! Mr. Healy and I are offering you a real once-in-a-lifetime opportunity here! Don't blow it away!"

"Hey, why do _you_ care about us all of a sudden?" Larry suspiciously asked.

"Yeah!" Curly demanded to know. "It's not like you ever wanted us to graduate in the first place!"

"Only to get rid of you…" White grumbled.

"Huh?"

"I mean… Just playing with you! Yeah!"

"Well, can't we at least meet with this Healy guy?" Moe asked.

"Sure. He's coming back tomorrow morning. Meet me in my office then and don't be late! Got it?"

"Why soitenly!" Curly nodded before getting a bonk on the head. "Oh!"

"Can't you just say 'yes' like everybody else?" Moe scowled. "Come on!"

Moe grabbed Larry by his hair and Curly by the ear and led them back to their class as White and Dent remained standing in the hallway.

"Think of it, Vernon." The principal grinned. "If they take Healy on his offer, there's no telling what could happen to them!"

"Are you sure you want these boys to get hurt?" Dent asked. "They seem like pretty good students to me. A bit dense but… y'know. _Good_. Maybe they're just in the wrong place at the wrong time and--"

"Dent?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Shut up."

* * *

Inside an executive building somewhere downtown, a young man in his twenties with spiky black hair and wearing a long black trench coat walked past several employees until he reached the elevator. Once inside, he met with several other men in coats and exchanged a few glances. The men managed to keep quiet until they reached the lobby of the building and walked past several more employees. After heading outside and into his car, the spiky-haired young man signaled his chauffeur to drive then watched as his associates did the same.

"All right." The young man said in his British accent as he glanced at his Rolex. "Four… three… two…"

At that moment, the top six stories of the building exploded and sent out enormous bursts of fire, ash and glass as a small group of black automobiles drove away. With several people now dead from the explosion, the remaining inhabitants of the building quickly fled the area as police, ambulance and firefighters arrived on the scene. Watching the events unfold from the rear-view mirror, the young man grinned and laid back in his seat.

"Keep driving, Thomas." The man said to his chauffeur. "What say we have lunch?"

"Yes, Mr. Moore." The driver nodded.

As the frenzy continued outside the burning building, another black vehicle pulled up next to a squad car. Ted Healy and Emil Sitka then removed themselves from the car and looked up at the horrific sight.

"Damn." Healy said under his breath. "He's already started."

"I'll send a team in to investigate." Emil said as he went back in the car.

"No."

"No?"

"We'll have to wait."

"For what?"

"See where he's going next. There has to be a pattern. If we can catch onto it early, we just might be able to stop him."

"What do you suppose we do in the meantime?"

"Keep our men on standby while we get more recruits."

* * *

"How did you get your head stuck in the tuba!?" Moe griped as he and Larry tugged at the instrument as it remained placed over Curly's head.

"I don't know, Moe!" He said in a muffled cry. "I swear! It's like things haven't been going right for my head today!"

"You ain't lying!" Moe then blew into the mouthpiece, sending a booming noise through Curly's eardrums.

"Oww! Stop it!"

Inside the music hall, Curly and Moe waited around and passed the time while Larry gave Kari her violin lessons. Much to his joy, Larry placed his arms on the young girl's as he led her through the violin movements.

"You see? Like that!" He showed her. "It's simple. Just slow and steady movements. That's right…"

"Wow." Kari smiled. "I don't know why I couldn't do this before. I'm usually so stiff and it kind of makes me nervous."

"You don't seem to enjoy being here."

"No, I do!" She put a defensive hand on Larry's, making the boy blush. "Don't get me wrong, it's just… I've never been the musical type."

"Then why do you play?"

"It's my dad. He wants me to take up a hobby worth doing. And to tell you the truth, the only reason I keep taking the class is because of all the friends I've made."

"Oh."

"You know, like Amanda, Ellen, Ricky--"

"Ricky." Larry rolled his eyes back in disgust.

"And _you_, of course!" She giggled.

"Oh, well…" Larry attempted to make a move on the girl but she quickly turned away without noticing his lousy come-on.

"And let's not forget those two!" Kari pointed at Moe and Curly, who were clashing with various instruments.

"Kneel before the almighty Moe Mojo!" Moe swung a bassoon around.

"Never!" Curly shielded himself with a cymbal and jabbed his brother with a xylophone mallet.

"Hey, Kari?" Larry pulled the girl aside.

"Yeah?" She flipped her hair back.

"About prom… I was wondering if you--"

"Whoa!" Curly crashed into the entire percussion assembly.

Moe, with his head up high and instrument strapped to his belt, victoriously stood over his brother on the mound of instruments and crossed his arms.

"Well…" He said. "That oughtta teach you to jab _me_ in the ribs."

"I'm sorry, Moe!" Curly whimpered. "I was only defending myself!"

Just then, the music teacher walked in the room and was startled by the mess the two boys had caused. He dropped his papers on the floor and clutched his hands over his head and let off a painful, shrilling yell.

"What the hell have you idiots done this time!?" The man's face turned red.

"It was Curly!" Moe, Larry and Kari pointed.

"Hey!" The young boy barked.

"Howard!" The music teacher picked the boy up. "You're coming with me!"

"I'm a victim of circumstance… _again_!"


	3. Technical Difficulties

**Chapter Three**

Inside his office, Ted Healy removed several documents from his file cabinet and placed them on his desk while Emil entered with a few men in suits behind him.

"Anything, Emil?" Ted asked.

"Nova Labs." Emil placed another document on the desk. "Weapons systems department. He knew where to hit 'em."

"Another lab up in smoke. Why?" Ted tried to think. "What's the connection?"

"All we know is that the first lab he hit was working on a special kind of armor. Real top of the line stuff."

Ted read over the documents and nodded. "Armor and weapons. Obviously there's even more foul play up ahead. Keep at it. Rodney?"

"Yes, sir?" One of the suits stood ready.

"Have a team go over the wreckage. Get anything you can from the police. If things get even more out of hand, they won't be able to do a thing about it."

"I'm on it, sir." The man said as he and his fellow agents left the room.

"So what's his next move?" Emil asked.

Ted just shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. But I _did_ notice something."

"What?"

Ted walked over to a map of the city hanging on the wall and dotted certain areas of the city, connecting them with a single line.

"The first lab hit was on the outskirts of town, near the Van Nuys Airport. The second was a bit closer, next to that high school we visited earlier today."

"Del Lord High School."

"Yes. I thought it was peculiar to have to visit that same road twice in one day. Then I found something that totally caught me off guard."

"What is it?"

Ted drew an enlarged circle on an area next to Del Lord High School. "Here. Maurer Industries."

"That's only a ten minute drive away from the school."

"It's smaller than the other two labs and not as noticeable. I have a feeling he'll go there next."

"But why?"

"I don't know yet. We'll need to keep an eye out."

* * *

"Way to keep an eye out, you moron!" Moe smacked his brother across his face as the football team drove off laughing at them.

"How was _I_ supposed to know they were gonna throw that football at you!?" Curly rubbed the side of his face as he and Larry got in Moe's car.

"Oh, never mind." Moe rolled his eyes back and started the engine.

"Kari…" Larry fluttered his eyes dreamily much to Moe's disgust.

"How many times do I have to tell you!? A girl like that is only gonna get you into more trouble!"

"Yeah!" Curly agreed. "Look what she did to _me_!"

"She didn't do anything to you!" Larry griped.

"…Oh yeah. Never mind. Wait a minute, wait a minute! …What are we talking about?"

"Shut up." Moe bonked him on the head with his left hand. "Poor kid's got a few loose wires."

"Tell me about it." Larry nodded.

As the car parked in Larry's driveway, Mrs. Fine greeted the boys on the lawn while Mr. Fine worked on something on the roof of the house.

"Hi, boys." The woman smiled warmly.

"Hello, Mrs. Fine." Moe and Curly said dryly.

"Larry, you look strange. Are you okay?"

"No, ma'am. That's how he looks all the time." Moe joked.

Larry just shook his head. "No, I'm fine."

"He's in lo--" Curly was immediately interrupted by a smack on the mouth by Larry. "Oh!"

"Quiet!"

"Larry!" Mrs. Fine scolded. "Don't be mean to Moe's brother!"

"It's all right, ma'am! We do it all the time!" Moe explained as he punched Curly in the stomach, then the head and finished it off with a smack across the face.

"Hey!" Curly protested. "Wait a minute! I didn't--"

"Shut up." He interrupted with another smack. "Why don't you try?"

"Well, I…" Mrs. Fine was about to take a turn when she heard her husband's voice.

"Fanny, see if you can get my Phillips from out of the toolbox!" Mr. Fine called out from the roof. "That damn bracket won't hold!" He then noticed his son and his two friends standing around the driveway. "Oh, hey boys! You guys wanna give me a hand up here?"

"Say no." Larry whispered.

"Sure!" Curly blurted out, naturally causing Moe and Larry to beat him over the head some more.

* * *

Up on the roof, Mr. Fine and his son were busy screwing in the platform for their new satellite dish while Moe and Curly were kneeling down, feeding the connection wire through the window of the living room.

"Keep sliding it through, boys." Mrs. Fine said as she pulled in the other end of the wire from inside the house.

Unaware a sling was tying around his ankle, Curly continued running the connection wire over to Moe, who was feeding it to Larry's mother with ease.

"Easy, kid." Moe said. "We don't want it to get knotted up."

"I know what I'm doing!" Curly moaned.

"There we go!" Mr. Fine exclaimed as he stood up at gazed at his enormous satellite dish. "All done! Thanks, boys!"

"Geez, dad." Larry scratched his head. "Any bigger and I'd swear we could make contact with life on Mars."

"Oh don't be silly… they haven't made contact since 1985."

"Huh?"

"And besides! You can never have too big a satellite dish! The more power you get, the more channels you receive! Isn't that right, Moe?"

"Yes, sir!" The boy sucked up as he finished feeding the line. "All right, Mrs. Fine! That's all I got!"

"Really?" The woman noticed she was few inches shy from the connection outlet. "It doesn't seem to be long enough!"

"What!?" Her husband leaned over the edge of the roof to look through the window. "That's impossible! The guy at the hardware store told me it was the perfect length!"

"Well it's not, Joseph!" She furiously tugged at the wire, causing Curly to trip and fall forward, thus bringing him to push Moe over the edge.

"Curly, you idiot!" Moe screamed as he hung on to his brother's arm as his legs dangled from the roof.

"Moe, you're pulling me down!" Curly shouted.

"If I'm going, I'm taking you with me!"

"What would Ma say!?"

"What did I just tell you!?"

"Boys, be careful!" Mr. Fine said as he and Larry slowly walked over to help the two up, unaware that the base of the satellite was beginning to unhinge.

Larry struggled to pull Curly up while his father reached over to grab Moe by the arms. In doing so, Larry accidentally tripped over the same wire tied around Curly's ankle and brought everyone over the edge of the roof, causing Mrs. Fine to panic.

"Joseph! Boys!" She placed her hands over her mouth. "Be careful!"

"Larry!" Moe screamed as he and his friends swung around the edge, knocking into the wooden fence that led to the backyard.

"Guys, I'm letting go!" Joseph Fine exclaimed as he removed his grasp from Curly's enlarged body.

"Dad!" Larry looked back as he and the others hung upside down.

"I'm okay!" The man said as he landed safely on his own two feet. "Come on, boys! Just let go! It's only a few feet! You won't get hurt… _much_."

"All right, you heard the man!" Moe tugged at the wire.

"Are you crazy!? I'm not letting go!" Curly protested as the wire around his ankle snapped, thus causing the three of them to descend to the floor and the dish to flip across the sky.

With a loud thud, Moe, Larry and Curly found themselves lying on their backs as a huge amount of pain swelled through them.

"Well…" Moe began. "…At least we're still alive."

"Yeah." Larry and Curly nodded out of breath.

After a long pause, Moe could sense something was wrong. "Wait a minute…"

"What is it, Moe?" Larry asked.

"Does anyone get the feeling it's not over yet?"

"What do you mean?"

Just then, the oversized satellite dish came falling from the sky, catching the boy's attention and causing them to yell out. "Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!"

Moe, Larry and Curly were silenced immediately, however, when the large dish finally landed on top of them with a loud bang that rang into the air.

"Boys!" Mr. and Mrs. Fine shouted.

One by one, the three of them stuck their heads out in even more pain and grimaced at the worrisome parents.

"Hey, dad?" Larry strained. "…Maybe we should just get cable instead."


	4. All Pepped Up & No Place To Go

**Chapter Four**

Kari Lyza returned home from school that same day and met with her father, who was in his office speaking with somebody. He noticed his daughter standing at the door and immediately took to ending the conversation. For David Lyza, science was his passion but his daughter was his life. After hanging up, the blond-haired 40 something year old gave his daughter a warm smile.

"Hi, honey." He said. "Good day today?"

"The same." She shrugged. "Who was that on the phone?"

"Oh, someone from work. They're just curious about the project, is all."

"That nano-thing?"

"Nano-robotics." He chuckled. "You hungry? Want me to fix you something?"

"No, thanks. I'm meeting with some friends later."

"Right." He nodded as he watched his daughter take off. Once she was out of view, the man went back to his phone and dialed another number.

"Hello?" A woman on the end answered.

"Hey. It's me."

"David."

"You busy tonight?"

* * *

A sore Moe and Curly entered their home as their parents Saul and Jennie greeted them with an endless barrage of shouting.

"Where have you two been!?" Jennie grabbed her boys by the ears. "You were out seeing that Amanda girl, haven't you!?"

"No, ma!" Moe whined. "I swear!"

"What!?" Saul was outraged. "Why not!?"

"She had other plans! But I'm taking her to prom!"

"Oh, my baby's going to prom!" Jennie immediately changed moods and smothered her middle child with a tight embrace. "And with a girl! A real-life, living, breathing _girl_!"

"Yup."

"Wait, she _is _living, right?"

"Yes, ma!" Moe whined some more.

"Oh, my baby!" Another round of smothering continued.

"How 'bout you, son? You taking anyone special?" Saul nudged his youngest.

"Well, I… uhh… gee, I don't know. I ain't never been much for dating, y'know?" Curly mumbled.

"Don't worry, you'll find someone. Now c'mon! Your mom made a pot roast and I aim to not let it go to waste!"

"Don't mind if I do!" Curly rushed off to the dining room.

* * *

The next day at school, a pep rally was already underway as the thousands of students crammed themselves into the main auditorium and cheered their lungs out. The marching band and orchestra were playing their usual pages of assigned music as the students continued pouring in. Teachers were lined up against the walls to keep on eye on the more rowdier students and the football players all eagerly stood backstage for their glorious entry.

For Moe, Larry and Curly, however, they were too busy becoming the butt of young Ricky Solomon's latest prank. The blond-haired teen and his cronies stuffed Moe and Larry into a couple of spare cheerleader's outfits and tied them up with a wire.

"Oh, you guys are gonna look so cute!" He teased the two. "I wouldn't be surprised if one of the football players ask you out to prom!"

"Ricky!" Larry growled. "Why are you doing this!? We never did anything to you!"

"Well…" Ricky began to explain as his boys began escorting them into the cheerleader's ready room. "It's like this, Louie. This school is made up of all kinds of students. You got the jocks, you got the freaks, you got the geeks and you got guys like us who know how to have a good time."

"And where do _we_ fall under?" An obviously upset Moe butt in.

"You guys? You're the ones who even the geeks can take a crack at! Yeah, you heard me! In reality, you're nothing but a bunch of… _stooges_. And as such, it's your duty to suffer through the pains and turmoil of what otherwise might have been a decent four years in high school. Oh well. C'est la vie!"

And with that, Ricky and his goons duct-taped Moe and Larry's mouths shut and drew a pair of red lips with a marker then shoved the two into the girl's ready room. Laughing hysterically, they then went back behind the stage to get ready for the _piece de resistance_.

"Oh my God!" A crazed Amanda shouted as a poorly disguised Moe and Larry stumbled in the room, their screams muffled under the tape. "Are you guys, like, the new springers?"

Moe and Larry frantically shook their heads while their hands remained tied behind their backs but Amanda, being a cheerleader and all, was too stupid to realize that they weren't who she thought they were.

"Oh, good!" She said, noticing their hands tied up. "Oh, wow! Let me guess! You're gonna do the whole routine tied up to impress the crowd? I can't say I'm not impressed! If you pull this off, you guys will be, like, my heroes and stuff!"

The crowd was getting louder and so was the music. Behind the curtains, Ricky and his boys drug out a large wooden box that appeared to be an oversized jack-in-the-box and set it on the corner of the stage. The football players took a look at their strange box but didn't think too much of it. Once the music stopped, the curtains opened and Principal White went onstage to begin the last pep rally of the year.

"Welcome!" He started. "This is our last pep rally of the year so let's make this a good one, huh!?"

The man was greeted with thunderous applause. While the band sat down, taking a break from all that playing, one of Ricky's cronies managed to sneak around the musicians and place a new sheet of music over their assigned ones.

"And now!" White continued. "I give you the Del Lord Cheerleading Squad!"

More applause as Amanda and the rest of the squad ran onstage, breaking out with some very complex dance moves as a techno dance beat played on the stereo system. After a few moments of mindless grooving, the girls began their formation and brought out a very nervous Moe and Larry, who were still unable to help themselves. Two of the girls grabbed the boys by their ankles, held on tight and flipped them over onto welcome arms.

With a heavy sigh, Moe and Larry glanced at each other and realized they were being carried around by the cheerleaders but it wasn't over yet. Another flip and the boys miraculously found themselves landing feet first on top of their newly built pyramid. Another round of applause and the girls separated, causing Moe and Larry to plummet to the floor once again. But of course, the girls were there to catch them and tossed them into the air once more. This, however, caused Moe and Larry to bump heads and have a rough landing on the floor, much to the chagrin of the squad.

"What are you girls doing!?" Amanda snapped.

"Thank you, ladies!" White applauded, signaling them to leave the stage.

"Moe? Larry?" Assistant Principal Dent recognized the two and stripped off the tape over their mouths.

"Ow!" Moe cried. "Well, it's about time someone recognized us!"

"What are you boys doing dressed as cheerleaders?"

"It's a long story." Larry droned. "And I really don't want to talk about it."

"Where's Jerry?"

"Oh no!" Moe gasped. "Curly!"

"Let's hear another round from our champion orchestra, who went on to win first place in this year's competition!" White continued, prompting the band to play another sheet of music. "And now I give you your Del Lord Panthers!"

More cheers came from the auditorium as the football team ran onstage to receive their compliments as the band began to play Ricky's sheet music. At that moment, the band started to play a loud rendition of 'Pop Goes The Weasel' much to everyone's confusion. Of course, the band didn't know if this was intentional or not so they just kept playing without hesitation.

It was then when Ricky's box suddenly opened via remote control from behind the curtains and out popped a perturbed Curly, who was dressed like a clown. Curly was held by a group of reinforced springs and swung around helplessly from side to side as the whole school laughed at him. To make matters worse, Ricky had set up a bucket of water placed over Curly's head and pulled on a string to soak the young clown-faced boy. This only led to more laughing and humiliation for the chubby clown, who was too disturbed to react.

"Poor Curly." Larry shook his head from disbelief.

Moe nodded. "Yeah."

"Whew. Glad that's not _me _up there."

"I know _that's_ right!"

Somewhere in the audience, Kari shook her head and sympathized for Curly while White laughed his fat butt off. Ricky and his drones, of course, were doing the same thing backstage.

* * *

Inside a small office, the young British man from the bombing sat at his desk and spoke to a business partner via speakerphone while his assistant stood by. The man was around his forties, well built with short, curly black hair and a couple of scars on his face.

"Yes, I understand." The young man said to his partner on the other line. "But what you don't realize is that once I finish this project, hundreds of millions will stand in line, ready to bid the highest amount for one of these armies…. Yes, I know. Thank you."

And with that, the man hung up. With a grin, he turned around on his chair and gave his assistant a reassuring look. "It's all coming together now, Lev."

"Is it?" The man's Russian accent almost growled. "I wonder how."

"I wouldn't go into much detail other than saying that everything we've needed has been here all along."

"What about this Maurer Industries?"

The man chuckled. "The repair system, you mean? It's all there. One quick stop and the project is ours. Mass production could start within a week. Perhaps less than that if we're lucky."

"And this Ted Healy?"

"Ignore him. He's no threat to us."

* * *

Inside the principal's office, a severely traumatized Moe, Larry and Curly stood before the man as he recuperated from a severe case of the giggles.

"Oh, you boys!" White softly chuckled. "Thanks for the laugh, I needed that!"

"Principal White, this is an injustice!" Moe slammed his fist on the desk. "I demand satisfaction! I demand respect! I demand an apology!"

"I wouldn't mind some of that myself." Larry nodded along.

"Mooching off of me, huh?" Moe slapped Larry across the face.

"Boys." White intervened. "There's really nothing I can do. I can question Ricky about it but you and I know he's only going to deny. And if he doesn't, no punishment I can offer him will make him settle down. No, I'm afraid that's just the way it is."

"What!?" The three of them shrieked.

"Well, isn't _that_ depressing!?" Curly shook his head. "And here I thought we'd find the means to fight injustice against a common enemy!"

"You what?" Moe questioned.

"I thought we'd get our due process!"

"Process _this_." He slapped his brother around.

"How can we go on like this when guys like Ricky keep making us out to be fools?" Larry asked, expecting no type of answer.

"I wish I could help you boys." White lied through his teeth.

"Yeah." Moe nodded to Larry's inquiry. "I mean, it's not like we can force 'em to give us a little respect. Unless we scare 'em into doing it."

"Yeah, but how?" Curly was eager to know. "Man, if I had some training of some kind, the first thing I'd do is go up to Ricky and--wait a minute!"

Just then, for the first time in a long time, a light bulb went off in their heads. They all exchanged glances and nodded before turning their attention back over to the principal.

"Mr. White, sir!" Moe began. "That offer Ted Healy gave you still stand?"

"Yes." He nodded.

"We'll take it!" Curly eagerly butted in.

"You will? Really!? Oh, yes!"

"A punk like Ricky calls _us _a couple of stooges?" Moe scoffed. "Wait till we get through with him. We'll show him what _real _stooges are!"


End file.
